Tag: work-life balance

  • My Balance, Revisited (Again)

    balance scale

    I want to blog, but it’s so hard. So. Hard.

    Time is fleeting, and filled up. Here’s what my balance looks like, for the past two weeks and the foreseeable future.

    5:00 Alarm goes off. Hit snooze button.
    5:09 Hit snooze button again. 
    5:17 Get out of bed before the alarm goes off again. Wash face, brush teeth, etc. Open dog door. Unload dishwasher and dish rack. Wash remaining dishes. If Baguette needs to take lunch to daycare, pre-heat thermos.
    5:35 Finish morning ablutions.
    5:45 Sit with Baguette so that Mr. Sandwich can get up and get ready for work. Catch up on Facebook and blogs in RSS reader. Check weather for day.
    6:10 Get up and assemble Baguette’s breakfast, snacks, water bottle, and lunch (unless it’s one of the days for which we’ve pre-paid for hot lunch). Put ABA binder in bag (if it’s Monday, put sheets and blanket in bag). Assemble my breakfast and lunch, if I got them prepared the night before
    6:30 Get dressed. Put insert in toilet seat for Baguette.
    6:45 Take Baguette’s pre-selected clothes and stage them for getting her dressed. Choose different clothes if weather forecast has changed from night before.
    6:55 Wake up Baguette. Comb her hair. Sit with her in bathroom. Get her dressed.
    7:10 Leave for daycare. Take Baguette to her classroom and set out her breakfast and water. Drop off ABA binder, bag, jacket, and any other items needed for the day.
    7:17 Drive to bus stop or to work, depending on whether I’m actually on schedule.
    8:20 Arrive at office building. Buy breakfast or parts thereof, depending on what I brought.
    8:30 Turn on computer and check email. Touch base with Mr. Sandwich, to let him know how Baguette’s morning went. Work.
    4:30 Leave work.
    6:00 Arrive home. Evening ABA session starts. Prep dinner. Participate in ABA.
    7:00 Eat dinner. Participate in ABA. Check calendar to see if Baguette has hot lunch at school. Check weather for next day. Lay out my clothes for next day. Lay out Baguette’s pajamas.
    8:00 Sign ABA provider’s timesheet. Give Baguette her bath.
    8:15 Get Baguette out of bath and get her dressed for bed. Take Wicket outside one last time. Close dog door for the night. Feed Wicket.
    8:25 Load dishwasher. Wash other dishes and put in dish rack. Play with Baguette. Check Facebook.
    9:00 Go to bed. Read to Baguette. Hope she falls asleep by 9:30. Go to sleep ASAP after that. 

    The big difference from my balance in 2011 and 2012 is ABA. It’s a big difference.

    And this isn’t just my balance. Mr. Sandwich’s day is not identical to this, but looks very similar. With a lot more laundry.

    Photo by winnifredxoxo, via Flickr. Creative Commons.

  • Taming the Work Week: An Interview with M.R. Nelson

    Bio-Clock

    The weekend is almost here, so it’s a good time to think about how to get ready for next week. M.R. Nelson of Wandering Scientist drew upon her extensive experience in project management to write a terrific ebook titled Taming the Work Week: Work Smarter, Not Harder. She was kind enough to send me a copy to read prior to our interview; the insights and perspective she shares in the ebook are definitely worth paying for.

    Taming the Work Week quickly and succintly addresses a number of approaches to making your job more manageable. One of the things I appreciated about Nelson’s book was that she emphasizes that this is not just for working parents–this is an issue for everyone, because we all have lives outside of work. She goes on to discuss a number of topics, including how to track and increase efficiency and productivity, how to contain the expansion of the workday, and how to avoid the common fallacy that more hours worked equals more work accomplished. After reading it, I wanted to know more; read on for her responses.

    1) Facetime culture–There can be a lot of variation here. It’s one thing to adapt to a boss who prioritizes certain hours, but what about the boss who expects you to always be checking emails? How do you get credit for time worked outside the office? What about the boss who values facetime over productivity?

      To be honest, if I found myself in a work culture that strongly favored facetime over productivity, I’d start looking for ways out of that culture. I just don’t have the patience to deal with that nonsense anymore. However, I know that a lot of people can’t get out of that culture or  work in fields that are dominated by facetime work places. I think there are some things those people can do to make their work life more sane. One thing I mention in the book is the fact that most facetime cultures seem to notice how late you stay more than how long you take for lunch, or even what time you get in each morning. So one thing to do is to look at what time periods are most noticed and rewarded at your work, and see if you can arrange your schedule to be there for those while taking some flexibility in the less noticed hours. For instance, if your work notices how late you stay but not how long you take for lunch, start taking real lunch hours and using them to clear errands that would otherwise eat into your family time on the weekend. 

      The easiest way to get credit for the time you work outside of the office is to leave some obvious sign you were working- such as an email or two (just don’t start expecting answers after hours or you’ll become part of the problem!) But more important than that is to actually be productive during that time. There is no point in bringing home your laptop just to log two hours of busy work. In most non-pathological work places, the productivity will be noticed and people will know you’re really working at home. It is not enough to just login from home. You really have to make that time count, or else why bother? Even in a facetime culture, people notice who gets things done and who doesn’t.

      You can gently teach a boss (and colleagues!) about the benefits of valuing productivity over facetime by occasionally mentioning a study or article you saw about the benefits of downtime for productivity or the like. But here again, I think productivity tends to speak for itself. Even in a strongly facetime culture, it is hard to argue with results. So start racking up the results, and keep a file with the evidence of the results, for use come review time. 

      For a boss who expects constant email responses, I’d try setting some expectations. At various points in my career, I have had jobs that required me to be reachable after hours, and to take a Blackberry on vacation. I handled this by making sure my team (and my boss) knew when they could expect me to check my email, and telling them to call if they needed a response more quickly than that. On vacation, I checked the Blackberry twice a day. After hours, I’d check as soon as I got home, after dinner, and after I got the kids to bed. I only read emails whose subject indicated they were urgent. No one ever abused my trust and called me for frivolous things. I’d also make sure that the boss really expected those responses. My current boss sends a barrage of emails, full of questions, over the weekend. But he doesn’t expect us to respond- in fact, he laughs at his penchant for getting into discussions essentially with himself (because no one else is responding). It just happens that weekends are the time he uses to catch up on emails. Not every weekend emailer is as aware of the potential impact as my boss is, but not every weekend emailer expects responses, either. Don’t assume that you have to respond- pay attention to what happens if you don’t, and adjust accordingly.

      That leads into my final tip, which is that sometimes a facetime culture isn’t as strong as it seems, and you can set boundaries and keep to them and still succeed. Don’t request accommodations, just state your boundaries and stick to them- and keep producing a lot of high quality work. If it seems that this approach is not getting you where you want to go at your company, then you can start looking for a healthier place to work. 

    2) Time tracking–what methods have you tried? What do you find most successful/versatile?

      I’ve used spreadsheets and an online tool called Toggl. I like Toggl better than the spreadsheets, hands down. It is very easy to use, and not intrusive, particularly since I have a computer-based job and can just leave it open in my browser. It is designed to be used by people who charge by the hour for their work, but that is essentially what time-tracking is: charging yourself for your time, and holding yourself accountable for how you spend it.

    3) How do you balance accountability with a lack of authority?

      Ah, this is a biggie. I remember very well the first time a boss told me I had to demonstrate I could get results without having the authority to demand them. It really pissed me off. But he was right, that IS a key skill. I didn’t really appreciate how key it is until I spent a lot of time as a contracted project manager, which is the ultimate “accountability without authority” position- I didn’t even work for the same company as the people I was trying to direct, but my continued employment depended on my getting them to do what I needed on my project. That job taught me how to pay attention to what would motivate the people whose help I needed, and figure out how to make them want to do what I needed. Also, it turns out a lot of people are happy to help you as long as you give them enough lead time so that they can work it in around their other responsibilities- so having a solid project plan can be a big help. I could give people weeks or even months notice about something I needed, and then just check in with them periodically to make sure it didn’t get forgotten.
      Of course, sometimes, you just have to flag a lack of progress to the people who have the authority to issue orders- but I haven’t had to do that as often as you’d think. When I do need to do this, I make sure the person with authority knows the consequences of the schedule slip: i.e., it will delay the project by X weeks, or require us to spend Y extra dollars to keep a data center open longer. So again, a solid project plan is key: I’m not just whining that I can’t get what I want. I am stating a problem and describing the consequences of that problem.

    4) What’s the most challenging thing for you about taming the work week?

      I have a tendency to over-optimize, so sometimes I can burn myself out even though I’m not working a ridiculous number of hours. I forget that the breaks in the middle of the day are just as important as leaving at a reasonable hour. Yes, it really is OK to spend 5 minutes reading a blog post after I finish a big task! Finding the happy medium between wasting heaps of time and trying to be productive in every available minute is key, and I struggle with that sometimes.

    5) What’s one change to your schedule that you’d like to implement, but haven’t been able to?

      I’d love to have full control over my schedule, so that I could optimize my time globally, not just within my work week and within my non-work time. But our corporate culture is really not set up for that. I have a lot of flexibility, but not full control. 

    6) What do you most want readers to take away from your ebook?

      Can I name two things? I want readers to recognize that you can have a successful career without allowing it to consume your entire life, and also that long hours can actually be counter-productive. 

    Taming the Work Week is also available on Amazon.com.

    Photo by Paul Swansen, via Flickr. Creative Commons.

  • Why Our House Is a Disaster – Weekday Edition

    caution tape

    We’re refinancing, and on a recent Friday, we had a visit from an appraiser. The house was not even remotely clean, although I did set my alarm for 5 a.m. so that I’d have time to at least straighten up the living room (read: put things in stacks). Instead, I was so exhausted that I just kept hitting the snooze button. Sorry, appraiser.

    Mr. Sandwich and I are constantly evaluating the way we spend our time, particularly on weeknights, so that we can finish everything we need to and be ready for the next morning, while still getting Baguette to bed. What does that look like right now?

    5:30 a.m.

    Get up, wash face and brush teeth, unload dishwasher, wash any dishes in sink and put in drain rack to dry, give dog her medicine, open dog door, take one egg out of the refrigerator, put skillet on burner (which is not yet turned on). If it’s a day when we send lunch for Baguette, prep thermos with hot water.

    5:48 a.m.
    Finish bathroom routine. Shower if I’m lucky.

    5:53 a.m.
    Go back to bed to keep Baguette from rolling out; Mr. Sandwich gets up, gets dressed, and leaves for work.

    6:20 a.m.
    Get up, counting on Baguette to not roll out; get dressed, pull her pre-selected clothes/socks/shoes off of the shelf, get diaper and wipes and put them with her clothes, scramble and cook egg, heat up food to go in thermos, put egg in portable container, put food in thermos, assemble her lunch bag, put her breakfast in her tote bag along with anything else needed that day (set out the night before). Put yogurt and granola in my lunch bag if set up the night before; otherwise plan to buy breakfast at work. Feed dog. Make sure back door is locked, cabinets are latched, stove is off, and refrigator is closed.

    6:40 a.m.
    Unplug anything that has been charging overnight and put in handbag. Go back to bedroom and change Baguette’s diaper. Put her pajamas in the hamper and dress her for the day. Comb her hair. After she lies back down, sit her up and comb her hair again.

    6:50 a.m.
    Make Baguette stand up and walk to front door. Pet dog goodbye. Pick up bags, lock door, coax Baguette down steps, put her and bags in car.

    6:55 a.m.
    Arrive at day care. Get Baguette and her bags out of car, sign her in, drop off tuition or hot lunch money or other paperwork as needed, and walk her to classroom.

    7:02 a.m. If I’m lucky.
    Leave day care. Drive to bus stop. Park car, run across street, hope to catch bus. If I do, hope to get seat. If I don’t, drive to work. It’s an hour either way.

    8:05 a.m.
    Enter building. Buy breakfast and coffee, or just coffee if I managed to pack my own breakfast (lunch is even less likely). Go upstairs and work.

    5:00 p.m. Unless I have to work late.
    Leave building. Walk to bus stop. Catch bus home.*

    6:00 p.m. Unless traffic is worse than usual.
    Exit bus. Get in car and drive home.

    6:07 p.m.
    Arrive home. Pet dog hello. Change clothes. Put away any dishes in drain rack. Pour milk into straw cups for evening and next day.

    6:12 p.m.
    Mr. Sandwich brings Baguette home. Feed Baguette as much fruit and/or Goldfish as she will eat.

    6:25 p.m.
    Take Baguette and dog for walk around the block (1/2-mile distance). Discuss day. Encourage Baguette to walk, but carry her for intermittent stretches. Let her run back and forth when the impulse strikes her.

    7:10 p.m.
    Return home. Pull together some semblance of dinner for Baguette while Mr. Sandwich helps her play with the hose (it’s hot out). Start her bath.

    7:20 p.m.
    Change Baguette’s wet clothes and feed her.

    7:50 p.m.
    Mr. Sandwich gives Baguette her bath. Set out her pajamas and nighttime diaper, take dog out, feed dog, close dog door, wash dishes from her dinner, empty her lunch bag and clean containers, straw cups, and thermos, probably wash the skillet from that morning.

    8:05 p.m.
    Dry Baguette off, put her in nighttime diaper and pajamas, let her watch Sesame Street. Continue to prep for next day, gathering any paperwork or materials needed for day care. Eat tortilla with peanut butter (if lucky).

    9:10 p.m.

    Go to bed. All of us, because otherwise Baguette won’t. (Note: That’s “go to bed,” not “go to sleep.” There’s no telling how long that could take.)

    What’s missing from this picture?

    *This is when Mr. Sandwich does as much laundry as humanly possible in 50 minutes. Neither one of us has time to fold it or put it away.

    Photo by skyloader, via Flickr.

  • Having It All, or Not, or What?

    So between Sheryl Sandberg, Elizabeth Wurtzel, Anne Marie Slaughter, and more, there’s a lot of talk about whether women can “have it all.”

    The more I think about it, the more I think that phrase is meaningless. What is “all”? Is it work-life balance? Because that’s so individual–and depends on so many factors that we don’t truly control–that I’m not sure I believe in it.

    Sylvia

    But I have come across two statements that really resonate with me. The first is from Taiia Smart Young, who writes on My Brown Baby about choices, and “having what matters.”

    The second is from Emily Rosenbaum, who in “Having It All” writes:

    You want to talk about what matters to me as a feminist? Fistulas, FGM, rape, slavery, prostitution, domestic violence, healthcare, living wages, and maybe a bit of clean drinking water. Not whether some woman at Facebook thinks I should be holding down a full-time job.

    Yeah. That sounds about right.

    Photo by garryknight, via Flickr.

  • My Balance, Revisited

    Nearly a year ago, I was inspired by a post by Oil and Garlic to write about my balance. So, where do we stand now?

    1. What’s your work schedule?

    I still drop Baguette off at 7 so I can be at work at (or around) 8, and I still work until 5 and am home a little after 6. All of this is likely to change on Friday, however, because the Rampture is coming–and that means all bets are off. I have no idea what my commute will be like for the next year, except that I know it won’t be good.

    2. How do you handle childcare?

    We still love Baguette’s day care. Mr. Sandwich’s parents come over to help around the house, but are less likely to babysit on weekend evenings; they have their own busy schedules, and it’s a lot harder to keep up with a toddler than it was to monitor an infant. However, one of her favorite teachers left the day care (not for reasons that concern us), and we’ve had her over for a get-reacquainted evening so that she can sit for us on occasion.

    3. What do you find best about your current set-up?

    It works, but just barely. Because of our jobs and commutes, we just don’t have enough time with her on workday evenings. We get home, go for a walk, eat dinner, give her a bath (while the other person fixes lunches for the next day), play a little, and go to bed. There just isn’t a lot of leeway in that schedule. But at least we have a routine.

    4. What advice would you give to other moms about the juggle?

    It doesn’t last forever–at least, not in this form. For a long time, I barely cooked at all. Now, I can manage to make a big batch of food in the slow cooker on Sundays, and that means lunches for several days that week. But being able to do that, which previously I could not, tells me that some day I will be able to cook meals with more than one dish.

    5. Do you think the juggle is harder for women than for men?

    Yes. There are no Daddy Wars, not even in the media.

  • My Balance: Tragic Sandwich

    Rock-Scale

    I don’t know anyone in this photo; I just liked it!

    I got this idea from a post on Oil and Garlic; she got it from A Cup of Jo. Does that make it a meme? At any rate, here goes:

    1. What’s your work schedule?

    I start work at 8 a.m. (or thereabouts, depending on whether my bus is on time) and leave at 5 p.m., Monday through Friday. Mr. Sandwich works 7 a.m. to 4 p.m., so our schedules are a little staggered. We used to commute together, but when my maternity leave ended, we needed to shift it a bit. Each of us comutes by bus, although I sometimes drive to work if I have a late-afternoon doctor’s appointment, or if I miss the bus and my day doesn’t allow for me to be 15 minutes late. Or if I’m super tired and the bus is SRO by the time it gets to my stop.

    My alarm goes off at 5:20, and I get up one snooze-button hit later. I drop Baguette off and drive like a crazy person to get to my bus stop. Mr. Sandwich picks Baguette up, and we all get home a little after 6 p.m. Then we play with her, take her and the dog for a walk, feed her, and bathe her when she needs it. (The order of these events varies depending on the day.) She hates to go to sleep, so there is usually a fairly long wind-down period, with lowered lights and hushed talking and a final bottle. We want her to go to bed between 8 and 8:30, but all too often she isn’t ready until about an hour later. Then we get our things and hers ready for the next day and watch a tiny amount of TV, and get to bed between 10:30 and 11:00–about an hour later than I’d like, but that’s how the time goes.

    2. How do you handle childcare?

    We found a wonderful day care center that is about a two-minute drive from the house. It’s like paying a second mortgage–and I am not exaggerating–but we have so much confidence in them, and Baguette really likes the teachers and her little friends. If she gets sick, one of us stays home with her. Mr. Sandwich’s parents live in town, so sometimes they will come over on the weekend and help us with supervising Baguette and completing tasks around the house.

    3. What do you find best about your current set-up?

    It works. I really like her day care, although I wish it weren’t so expensive. I wish my commute were shorter, but I live in the real world of Los Angeles, and that’s how commutes work here.

    4. What advice would you give to other moms about the juggle?

    Establish priorities, and don’t beat yourself up. I had fantasies of cooking meals for the three of us. This could work, because Baguette is a pretty flexible eater. This absolutely does not work, because I just don’t have time. I felt bad about it for far too long, and then I acknowledged that I really can’t do anything but supervise her when I’m with her–she’s just too active. So now I hope to be able to do that in the future. But it’s completely unproductive to feel bad about not doing something that I just can’t do.

    One of my friends has a daughter a couple of months older than Baguette, and she makes amazing meals every night and spends time with her children. I used to wonder how she managed it, and then I mapped the distance between her house and her work. Guess what–she doesn’t have my commute! So she’s got more time to work with. It’s not realistic to compare my life to hers, because they just aren’t the same. That’s true for everyone else, too.

    5. Do you think the juggle is harder for women than for men?

    Yes. Mr. Sandwich is a very hands-on dad, and he’s also done pretty much all of our laundry for much of the past year. But Baguette is a very hands-on baby, and she wants me when I’m home. I feel like I’ve been mommy-tracked at work, and I made every effort that I could think of to avoid that. He’s got his own work issues (don’t we all?), but I haven’t gotten the impression that he’s been daddy-tracked. That can happen, of course, but I think it’s much less common.

    Photo by neurmadic aesthetic, via Flickr.