Recently, Baguette’s teachers asked to meet with us. Apparently she falls asleep throughout the day, and she doesn’t interact with children or her teachers the way they’re accustomed to seeing.
Her sleep is an issue, and we know that. And we’re working on it.
But apparently she’d often rather read a book with Bestie or by herself than trade toys with the other children. And she ignores her teacher when told that it’s time for a diaper change. (Which is strange, because at home she’s so cooperative about diaper changes. [/sarcasm])
What we see is that she holds back a little when first encountering someone–even Mr. Sandwich’s parents, who she sees regularly–but warms up when allowed to do so on her own terms. When Mr. Sandwich picks Baguette up from day care, she and Bestie want to dance and play and spin together. On playdates with one or two other children, she both plays with them and gets territorial with toys, just like they do.
And even in large groups in noisy settings, like birthday parties at indoor playgrounds, she has a great time running from the ball pit to the trampoline to the tiny basketball backboard. It’s not like she’s cowering in a corner. She’s just doing what makes her happy, without the need for constant companionship in her choices.
Also worth noting: when she moved from the toddler room to the two-year-old room, she went from a class of 8 to a class of more than 20, in a much larger setting (and by that I mean that I think our entire house might fit into her new classroom).
I know I’m on the cusp of introvert and extrovert. I can be very outgoing when I choose, but I also really, really like staying home with a book.
So when can we get a sense of whether Baguette leans toward the introverted side of the scale? Because her behavior doesn’t seem to require evaluation–I just think she leans toward smaller groups and smaller settings.
Don’t get me wrong. I do want to know about real problems, and I want to address them as soon as possible. But I don’t see “likes smaller groups” as a problem. It’s just a little different from what they’re used to seeing. And “different” isn’t a problem.
Photo by GenkiGenki, via Flickr.
I agree with you. It sounds like you are on top of the situation. If it turns into something that requires action on your part, then you will be on that as well.
One of their concerns was that she wasn’t interacting enough with her classmates, but when we were on vacation, she was hugging unfamiliar children all the time. Her opposition to diaper changes is unaltered, however.
maybe the classmates don’t interact with her or she doesn’t want to play what they are playing. I think they have to look at all the facts and observe her better before they decide there is an issue. Perhaps the room is just to busy for her and she wants to be on her own.
I think your last sentence is spot-on. Based on what I can see, her classmates do like her, and do reach out to her. But I think the noise and activity levels can get too high for her (it can get really, really loud in there), and she creates her own quiet space when she needs to.
Sounds like an introvert to me. And being an introvert myself, I’m so, so, so glad that you’re not pathologizing it. So many people treat shyness, introversion, and sensitivity as something wrong, something that needs to be ‘cured’, and it makes it really hard for kids who are introverted to develop healthy self-esteem. Have you ever read “The Highly Sensitive Person” by Elaine Aron? I highly recommend it. She also has another book for the parents of Highly Sensitive children, but I haven’t read that one.
The title is familiar, but I haven’t read it. I have some very good friends who are introverts, so I’ve never thought of pathologizing it! Honestly, I think it can be compared to a preference for a communication tool. Some of my friends prefer to talk on the phone. Others prefer email or Facebook. Neither is wrong.
It’s something that kids deal with in school a lot. There’s a lot of pressure, especially on kids and on women, to be friendly and outgoing, to work well in groups, and if those aren’t your thing you have people asking what’s wrong with you. I really do recommend that book, even if Baguette turns out not to be a Highly Sensitive Person. It opened my eyes about the behaviors of a lot of the people I’ve had in my life, not just to my own behavior.
I’ve read enough about the book to put it on my list–it’s just such a long list!
But I know what you mean about pressure to conform and be happy, or at least pretend you’re happy, and I have a major rant about Why Women Cry at Work. And maybe I’ll rant about it here one of these days. Who am I kidding? I’m very likely to.
Hah. Definitely going to happen. The more I think about your comment, the more I get at least one rant going. Thanks! And I mean that in a completely irony-free way.
I’m a definite introvert and that was apparently manifesting itself by the time I was in kindergarten. In my case, it was my mother who was concerned, because when she asked me what I did during play times, everything I told her about involved playing by myself. (Oddly, I have a bit of a memory of this; I think I liked to build “cameras” out of legos and take pictures.) Fortunately, my teacher was apparently pretty laid back and reassuring: “she gets along fine with other kids, but she can also be independent. It’s all normal”
We moved to San Antonio just before I started high school; a couple of girls took me under their wing, but I had very few friends and spent a lot–a LOT–of time in the library. So much so that (a) I had a favorite librarian and (b) she let me check out books even after I’d graduated. I was in there, I kid you not, three times a day.
One of Pumpkin’s little friends is a definite introvert, and clearly has been since she was 1. Her father is also an introvert, so none of us are surprised, although I know that her mother has struggled a bit with how to handle things. I have zero advice- I’m an extrovert, so is my husband. Pumpkin is clearly an extrovert, and all signs are that Petunia will be one, too.
Pumpkin’s friend has gotten more comfortable with her classmates over the years, and is apparently adjusting really well to her new school (which started early with a pre-K thing).
I want Baguette to do her own thing and find her own comfort level. Hopefully the fact that I straddle the line between the two will help me support her in that.
I wouldn’t worry about it. It sounds like she is more of an introvert than not. I was (and still am) the same way. I was happy interacting with one friend or reading a book by myself than I ever was comfortable in large groups. I still prefer to spend my time that way. My daughter, however, is more extroverted and has a higher need for companionship. This is a challenge for me since it’s not what I”m used to. I like her outgoing personality. But there are some days I wish she were like Baguette!
Frankly, I’m surprised when we encounter kids who are much more outgoing–I’m not used to that, because I only have Baguette! I want her to bond with her peers, but I also want her to do that on her own terms. And that’ll happen. I know because whenever she gets together with Bestie, the two of them become giggle monsters who want to run and dance together.
Hmm…Baguette reminds me of my younger son. He plays with balls, slides, toys and things, but doesn’t really interact with other kids. I am a bit concerned but want him to develop with confidence and not make him feel there’s anything wrong with being more introverted. I’m definitely introverted so it’s not a huge surprise.
I think the key is to pay attention and look for patterns. In Baguette’s case, what we’re seeing is that she can be overwhelmed by large, noisy groups, but very happy in smaller groups.