Tragic Sandwich

Tag: hamburger

  • Five Guys Named Meh

    So in the Burger Wars, Five Guys has mounted an assault on In-n-Out. In our part of town, that means that they opened a store on the opposite side of the Costco driveway from In-n-Out.

    Five Guys is new to the area, but I know people are passionate about their burgers. And Mr. Sandwich and I are fond of a good burger, so last night we headed over to sample the offerings.

    When we walked in the door, we noticed that the floor was covered in peanut shells. We have an appreciation for the peanut-shells-on-the-floor motif, but this didn’t work. There weren’t enough peanut shells. And the floor was tile, which is the wrong surface for peanut shells (better: concrete or wood). What each of us thought was, “It looks like a dirty In-n-Out.” Mind you, there was nothing about the restaurant that seemed dirty. It actually seemed quite clean. Except the peanut shells made it look like they just hadn’t bothered to sweep for, say, three days.

    So we got in line to order our food. Each of us got a bacon cheeseburger–mine with mayo, lettuce, tomato, and grilled onion, and Mr. Sandwich’s with lettuce and BBQ sauce. Mr. Sandwich also ordered the bacon cheese dog, and we split an order of fries.

    The food was served fairly quickly, but unfortunately that’s where the positives stop. Now, I like a well-done burger. I am opposed to E. coli. (Call me crazy.) But even for me, this burger went beyond “well done” and bordered on “hockey puck.” Two hockey pucks, actually; apparently Five Guys sells doubles by default. And it turned out that the counterperson heard “tomatoes” and typed in “pickles.” But even with pickles, nothing had much flavor–not the burger, not the bacon, not the fries.

    And the fries are cooked in peanut oil. That means we can’t let Baguette have them, because she’s not supposed to eat peanuts for another couple of years, or something like that. Fortunately she slept through most of the visit (which was a little surprising, considering that they were blasting classic rock).

    So our verdict? We don’t see what the big deal is. Where Five Guys is like In-n-Out, they’re not as good. Where they’re like The Habit, they’re not as good. If they’re trying to split the difference between those two, they haven’t done so in a way that is distinctive or particularly successful. And unlike either of those competitors, they don’t offer shakes.

    It wasn’t bad. We just don’t see what the big deal is. Now, maybe if a Shake Shack comes to town…

  • The Sandwiches Eat Food on Kauai

    One of the benefits of vacationing in a condo is that you have a kitchen. While I don’t harbor much interest in cooking while on vacation, I’m perfectly happy to buy bagels at the local Costco, and yogurt, hot dogs, and other items at my favorite markets in Koloa: Big Save and Sueoka’s. I even bought a T-shirt at Sueoka’s, as if it were a concert and not a grocery store.

    But we didn’t eat every meal in the condo, and naturally we made a point of visiting some old favorites. Upon arrival we had plate lunches at L&L Hawaiian Barbecue, and when dinner arrived it was time for calzones at Pizzetta. One evening we had a lavish and delightful meal at Plantation Gardens, which has become a Kauai tradition for us.

    On Friday, after snorkeling at Anini Beach but before leaving for Ha’ena and Tunnels Beaches, we paused for a bite at the Anini Beach Lunch Shak. It isn’t really a Shak, or even a Shack; it’s a lunch truck, serving a variety of tacos and burritos. I went for the fish tacos, and Mr. Sandwich had a kalua pig burrito. (This does not involve an entire pig, at least not at the time that you’re eating it.) Everything was good, but a little bland; the addition of the truly excellent salsa made it quite tasty. Dinner was actually breakfast-for-dinner at Lihue’s Oki Diner, which touts its pancakes and offers a variety of syrups (I opted for coconut). Verdict? Okay, but not amazing. I think their main strength is that they are open 22 hours on an island where most restaurants seem to close at 3 p.m. Our visit must have come at their slow time, because we were the only patrons, and we didn’t stay anywhere near 22 hours.

    Alas, the Camp House Grill in Kalaheo is closed, which means no more of their delicious pies. However, across the street is the Ohana Cafe, which makes excellent burgers, fries, and saimin. Note: a small bowl of saimin here is a meal, but we were really hungry. Then, by the end of our visit, we were really full. However, I did take home a slice of their ola pie, which is a Fig Newton crust filled with banana ice cream, peanut butter, and chocolate. Even lasting for two days, it was a little overwhelming–tasty, but with a lot going on. The answer, I think, is to concentrate on the main course, which they do really well; their menu is limited, but focused.

    Duane’s Ono Char Burger in Anahola is an institution. I opted for the teriyaki burger and a marionberry shake. I have no idea what a marionberry is, but I do know that it makes a great shake. The burgers were messy but good, and the fries were amazing.

    We had still more burgers at Kalapaki Beach Hut in Lihue. From the top deck you can see part of the bay at Lihue. You can also feed french fries to birds, although we probably weren’t supposed to do that. My conclusion is that, overall, Kauai is a good place for burgers. Especially teri burgers. I think I’m in love with them.

    Our last meal in Hawaii was at the Olympic Cafe. It’s open after 3, and we were in the middle of the aforementioned deluge. Service wasn’t fast, but it was friendly, and our meals (kalua pig burrito, kalua pig sandwich) were tasty and enormous. The result was that the restaurant was a nice place to while away both a rainstorm and a few hours before our flight–and we had a great view of the weirdly brown ocean.

    We also tried malasadas, a Portuguese donut (more spherical, no hole) at two locations: Hanalima Bakery and the Kauai Coffee visitor center. Both were good, but we determined that the best malasadas we had were on our last trip, at a stand outside the K-Mart. The secret? They were fresh, which takes a malasada from good to delectable.

    On the whole, we ate well. A little too well, I fear. But that’s vacation for you.