Tragic Sandwich

Tag: Baguette

  • Happy Halloween 2019 – and Hello, November!

    To be honest, we never know what Halloween is going to bring. We’ve seen enough variation to know that the best approach is to let Baguette set the pace. Some years she’s wanted to go to a few houses for trick-or-treating; some years she just wants to walk around the block. Some years she’s worn a costume that could be easily identified as a costume; some years she hasn’t.

    This year, Baguette started talking about Halloween in August. She told us she wanted to be a man. Then she wanted to be a wizard. Then she wanted to be a witch. Then she wanted to be a Christmas tree.

    We told her that all of these were great ideas.

    And then she stopped wanting to talk about Halloween. As we got into October, we would ask her what she wanted to be, and she would say, “No, thank you.” So we came up with the makings of a few costumes, and figured we’d let her pick one, or more, or none.

    Finally, we asked her aide to ask her, and the aide let us know that Baguette wanted to be a cat. The good news? We had anticipated this, and had purchased a cat-ear headband. Mr. Sandwich and I made her a tail. She already had a black shirt and black leggings.

    Then, as I was packing up her costume for her to take to school, I realized that Baguette associates the black shirt and leggings combo with Minnie Mouse, because in the past she’s wanted to wear them under her Minnie Mouse dress. So I put that in, too, along with Minnie ears.

    She was Minnie at the parade. And at home?

    Turns out, this is a year she didn’t really want to go trick-or-treating. And she kind of wanted to go for a walk, but not enough to leave the porch. But she did give another costume a try.

    Girl wearing monarch butterfly wings, shown from behind, with lantern in background

    In the end, she just hung out in her wings on the porch. And that’s fine, because it was the good time she wanted to have.

    But how on earth is it November?

  • A Day in the Life

    Here’s a thing to know as you’re picturing this: Baguette needs me to sleep with her. We are working on it. But it is hard, because I am tired.

    Clocks

    04:30
    Wake up. No reason. Try to go back to sleep. Probably fail.

    05:30
    Hear Mr. Sandwich feed the dogs.

    05:40
    Mr. Sandwich comes into the room to say goodbye to me and Baguette (who is still asleep). Get up.

    05:41
    Brush teeth, etc.

    05:50
    Go to back patio, take laundry out of washing machine, hang to dry and/or put in dryer. Bag any dog poop. Toss bag over gate so that it is near trash can.

    06:00
    Wash hands. Fix the fresh parts of Baguette’s lunch, such as berries or yogurt. Wash some dishes.

    06:10
    Wake up Baguette, get her to move to the sofa, make her breakfast (macaroni and cheese).

    06:15
    Get Baguette to move to the kitchen table. Make tea. Wash a few more dishes.

    06:20
    Stir macaroni and cheese in bowl to make it look more appealing.

    06:30
    Hand-feed Baguette, who is able to eat independently, but many mornings is simply too tired. Hopefully she will muster the energy to eat on her own after a few bites. Give her iPad or coloring materials if she asks. Drink tea.

    06:45
    Get Baguette to move to the bathroom. Put lunch in her backpack.

    06:50
    Check weather and lay out Baguette’s clothes for the day.

    07:00
    Supervise hand-washing and tooth-brushing. Brush hair. Let her play on the iPad or color.

    07:15
    Make sure Baguette gets dressed, to shoes. Let her play on the iPad or color.

    07:20
    Get slightly more dressed than pajamas. Start another load of laundry in washer. Get laundry out of dryer and bring inside.

    07:25
    Open blinds to see when bus arrives.

    07:33
    Bus arrives. Get Baguette to put down the iPad and walk out the front door. Walk Baguette down driveway to bus and hand backpack to driver. Pick up bag of dog poop and put in trash can.

    07:35
    Bus departs. Go back inside. Wash hands. Check work schedule and emails.

    07:40
    Fold laundry and put away, or at least put in correct bedroom. Finish getting dressed. Maybe eat breakfast. Maybe not.

    07:50
    Apply lipstick. Turn off lights. Start dishwasher (delay start because washing machine is already running). Wonder if there is time to clean kitchen floor. There is not. Ignore papers and markers everywhere.

    07:55
    Make sure everything that needs to be locked is locked, stove is off, microwave and refrigerator are shut, cabinets are latched, dog gate is closed.

    07:58
    Set alarm, exit house, lock door.

    08:00
    Get in car. Get out of car. Confirm that door is locked. It is. Get back into car. Check Google Map routing.

    08:10
    Call Mr. Sandwich and tell him how morning went, and how Baguette’s mood was.

    09:00
    Arrive at work parking lot. Walk to office building.

    09:10
    Turn on computer. Work.

    17:00
    Shut down computer, put phone in bag, walk to parking lot.

    18:00
    Arrive at home.

    18:05
    Put down bags and keys, greet Mr. Sandwich and Baguette.

    18:15
    Prepare dinner.

    18:35
    Put dishes in sink.

    18:40
    Make macaroni and cheese for Baguette, which she may or may not eat.

    18:45
    Move laundry in washing machine to dryer, start dryer.

    18:50
    Tell Baguette that in 10 minutes, it will be time for an iPad break.

    19:00
    Do some homework with Baguette.

    19:20
    Let Baguette have iPad again.

    19:40
    Give Baguette 5-minute warning on bath.

    19:45
    Tell Baguette that, yes, her idea of going to the bathroom now is a good one.

    19:47
    Unpack Baguette’s lunch bag.

    19:50
    Plug in iPad, get Baguette into bath, wash hair, condition hair, let her sit in the tub, rinse.

    20:05
    Help Baguette dry off (but not her hair–NOT HER HAIR) and move to bed.

    20:10
    Give iPad back to Baguette.

    20:12
    Sort laundry.

    20:15
    Put load of laundry in washing machine. Pack non-perishable portions of Baguette’s lunch. Wash some dishes.

    20:25
    Persuade Baguette to come to kitchen and have ice cream, which she may or may not eat.

    20:30
    Remove laundry from dryer. Take clothes off of line and tumble for a few minutes. Remove that laundry from dryer. Fold laundry.

    20:50
    Heat up rice packs in microwave and put in bed.

    21:00
    Clean up dessert dishes.

    21:05
    Get Baguette dressed for bed, comb hair.

    21:15
    Get Baguette into bed. Read aloud.

    21:45
    Turn off lights, hopefully sleep.

    Photo by Giallo, via Flickr. Public domain.

  • Your Own Oxygen Mask

    You know the maxim. Put your own mask on first.

    Often, though, that’s easier said than done. Because the other mask is needed so urgently, and so persistently, that it’s easy to forget that you even have one of your own, much less a need for it.

    So people say “Oh, you and Mr. Sandwich need time together. You need to MAKE time. It’s important.” And we know. But it’s also hard in ways that they don’t understand, because they are thinking of their own situation.

    When Baguette was a baby, family members could come over and take care of her for a few hours while we went to a movie or out to dinner. But after a very few years, that option no longer worked, for a variety of reasons. Sometimes her day care would have Friday evening babysitting. If she knew the teachers who were there that night, we’d plan to pick her up a couple of hours later than usual. She was with familiar people in a familiar setting–and she was already there, not getting dropped off–so it was comfortable for her.

    We learned that she was delighted to stay longer at day care, but only until 8 p.m. That’s when she would start to realize that she hadn’t seen us in a very long time, and would start to get sad. Sad was not our goal.

    So by the time we got home, and in the time before we needed to pick her up, it wasn’t really possible to see a movie. We generally would get takeout and watch things from the DVR. And that was fine, because it was time we were spending together as a couple. We don’t need to be in a restaurant or movie theater to do that.

    But over time, the teachers she knew weren’t the ones providing extended hours. One of her teachers left the day care for another position and therefore was able to come to our house to babysit–but she soon moved home to her family, who lived out of state.

    And then there was no one.

    This is common, by the way. Finding babysitters was a snap when I was a kid, but apparently tweens and teens aren’t babysitting in those numbers any more, and there definitely has been pressure on parents to be more selective.

    Finding a caregiver with experience with autistic children? We’re in a big city, and Care.com exists–but we’re easily talking $20 an hour, not counting dinner or the movie or whathaveyou. I don’t in any way think that’s unreasonable as a charge, but that’s a lot of money for an evening out. Plus, for Baguette to be comfortable with the person, we’d have to have them over at least weekly most of the time. It would add up fast.

    Add to that the fact that Baguette developed the loudest, most piercing case of separation anxiety known to humanity, and we just weren’t willing to ask someone to deal with that.

    But then there was “Hamilton.”

    Colonial and revolutionary America is my era. I’ve studied it formally and informally most of my life, since visiting Colonial Williamsburg when I was six. And I love Broadway musicals. So when “Hamilton” was in its D.C. tryouts and a promotional video was released, I was instantly hooked. Everything about the production was incredible; the music, the backstory, the creators, the performers, the social media genius of Lin-Manuel Miranda, the #Ham4Ham mini-performances for people trying to get tickets by lottery. I got the soundtrack and listened to it for months during my commute. Mr. Sandwich got me the Hamiltome for Christmas, and I read the entire thing in a day and a half.

    So here’s how this works. To get respite care–an aide in a day care program, or in your home–you have to be registered with the Regional Center. That process, with its forms and evaluations and assessments, takes more than half a year. We made it just in time for Baguette to get an aide to go with her to summer camp. And then when school started again, the director of the after-school program at her school refused to admit her. (This is a whole different post, and I don’t know if I want to write it at all, but I certainly don’t want to get into it right now.) We found ways to handle that, at great cost to ourselves (and mostly to Mr. Sandwich, who was the key player). We got another aide for summer. And then, at her new school, the after-school program was happy to admit her.

    Once we got Baguette used to staying at school after the last bell, we focused on in-home respite. We were able to get the two women who were providing her after-school care, so they were known quantities to her. We had them over and did not leave, to get her used to having them in the house. We left for short trips, to the drug store or to buy groceries. And then the day came for us to see “Hamilton.”

    Within 30 minutes of our departure, she had thrown her tablet across the room and shattered it.

    You know what? The show was worth it.

    Still, we went back to Square One. We stayed there for so many weekends that the aide told us to go out. We started, again, with short errands. And then the aide ghosted us, and we were back at Square One.

    We’ve been through several aides, but Baguette is more accustomed to the idea of being home with someone who isn’t us. We usually have one at-home session and then go out for the second.

    What this means is that we’ve had (nearly) weekly childcare for a year, and in that time we have been able to have lunch maybe half a dozen times.

    Two weeks ago, we went out for dinner for Mr. Sandwich’s birthday. It was the first time we’d gone to a restaurant, just the two of us, in five or six years.

    And last night we got to have dinner with friends. That? I don’t think we’ve done that since before Baguette was born.

    We went to an area pub with Bestie’s parents. We ate delicious, bad-for-you food. I drank this Smithwick’s.

    pint glass of Smithwick's ale
    It, too, was delicious.

    And you know what? We talked nonstop, but we didn’t talk about our kids the whole time.

    It was incredible. It was rare. I had such a good time.

  • Chores

    We’ve added something to our weekends.

    Weekdays are too tight—and too demanding—for me to ask Baguette to do daily chores. But weekends? On weekends we’ve got all day. We can pace ourselves.

    Mind you, this isn’t really systematic at this point. Sometimes I forget to print off the sheet. Sometimes I forget to add a sticker. Sometimes I do the chores myself, because that’s the best way to handle that weekend. Sometimes they don’t get done, for the same reason. It’s a learning process for all of us.

    white hand towels and washcloths in messy stacks, with a list of weekend chores

    I could re-fold these. But I think that will tell her that her work isn’t good enough. And, really, a messy stack of towels isn’t even remotely the biggest problem with our housekeeping. We can refine this over time.

  • Unexpected Milestone

    It’s been a while since we went to a carnival, even though one sets up in the park near us each year. Maybe more than once a year? I don’t know. Between the noise and the crowds, it seemed like a stretch for Baguette.

    Over the past couple of years, we’ve learned that she does like amusement park rides. And this carnival had a number of kids-only rides.

    But therein lies the rub: Would she ride without one of us? She never has before.

    girl in hooded top sitting in spinning carnival ride

    Turns out that’s not an issue.

    Apparently the 100-degree heat wasn’t an issue, either. The lure of the carnival overcame her dislike for hot weather.

    And we’re thrilled on all counts.

  • Little Victories

    Baguette is a picky eater.

    No, pickier than that.

    Her main food source is macaroni and cheese. Even then, she’s picky about consistency and texture. The need to provide portions that meet spec has led us to the microwaveable cup. Not the most economical form of mac and cheese delivery. Not the most environmentally friendly. But the one that works best.

    Other items that come in and out of rotation are Trader Joe’s fruit and cereal bars, Goldfish crackers, Ritz Bits, Ritz crackers, crunchy snap peas, berries, watermelon, and yogurt. Yogurt’s actually been out of rotation for a long time.

    One day, her teacher sent me a message to let me know that Baguette had asked for the school yogurt, but it wasn’t being served that day. So I set out to find some.

    I failed.

    Do you want to buy Danimals strawberry yogurt cups? WELL, GOOD LUCK DOING THAT IN LOS ANGELES.

    I found an 8-pack of Yoplait yogurt. Half strawberry. Half blueberry. Possibly none of it acceptable. I sent a strawberry cup to school.

    She ate it! So I sent another.

    Then I got brave. I sent in a blueberry cup.

    And today she ate it!

    You have no idea how big a deal this is.

  • Adjusting Expectations: Travel Edition

    So I’ve been listening to podcasts for a while now, and one of my favorites is The Mom Hour with Meagan Francis and Sarah Powers. Each week they have a new episode that shares parenting advice and experience on a particular topic–but in a no-judgment, do-what-works-for-you kind of way. It’s just my speed.

    (And their episodes always give me blogging ideas, so watch for more references to them and the podcast!)

    They’ve also added a series of episodes called “More Than Mom,” in which they discuss things beyond parenting advice. This week’s topic was travel.

    Travel’s something I’ve been meaning to write about for a long time, because it’s one of those areas in life where I had expectations based on my own childhood–and then things turned out to be different.

    When I was a kid, we traveled a lot–with the result that I visited every state (except Alaska) before I was 30. In the U.S., we traveled mostly by car, often camping in our pop-up tent trailer. Budget motel rooms were fairly rare, and the four of us would stay in one room. Then we moved to South Texas, where it was too hot to camp. Budget motel rooms became more common.

    We were fortunate enough to do a fair amount of international travel; my dad was in the military, so when we lived on the East Coast, we could get cheap flights to Europe on Air Force cargo planes. On those trips, we stayed in B&Bs, which tended to be less like showplaces filled with antiques and more like the house of someone who had a couple of spare rooms and was willing to serve you some food in the morning.

    Eventually, my parents moved on to tour packages and cruises, but my travel expectations for myself, certainly for the forseeable future, were of the DIY, low-budget variety. And, as it turned out, so were Mr. Sandwich’s. Neither one of us felt like resort people.

    But then we had Baguette, and we got to know her needs, and our travel style changed.

    First, neither Mr. Sandwich nor I has been on a plane since our trip to Kauai in 2009. This is kind of bizarre, because when I was single, I was the person who was on a plane once a month, and not for work. Even after we married, we flew once or twice a year. But we haven’t taken Baguette on a plane yet–although I’m sure we’ll try it at some point–so most of our travel is by car or train (she loves the train!).

    Second, we don’t stay in budget motels.

    Baguette is pretty adaptable, but she does best and is most comfortable in a setting that’s like a home. She likes some space, and some delineation of that space, and a comfy sofa. Those don’t tend to be features of budget motels.

    When we move in, we move in. Stuff EVERYWHERE.

    Also, she’s not a fan of restaurants. Too much waiting. So we cook more on vacation.

    What this means is that VRBO is our best friend. We look for one- or two-bedroom places with a full kitchen, in areas that are walkable and close to amenities, as well as within reasonable striking distance of the attractions we’re visiting. We’ve found a regular place in Santa Barbara (this summer vacation will be our eighth year spending a week there, and our fifth with this particular rental), and based on our Spring Break trip to San Diego, we may have found a regular place there, too.

    If VRBO doesn’t have anything available in another location, we look for a hotel room that comes with a kitchen. There are more of these than there used to be; over the past few years, we’ve stayed in Homewood Suites, Larkspur Landing, and TownePlace Suites.

    For a night or two, we can manage a simpler room that has a mini-fridge and microwave, but longer than that and everyone gets cramped and edgy. No one wants to be cramped and edgy on vacation.

    So it’s not what I expected–but it works. It works well. And if something else works in the future, we’ll do that. But this is really good for now.

    How do you travel?

  • Happy Easter

    A lot of things are changing. I want to write about all of them, but I don’t have the time, energy, or focus. Here’s one:

    For the past several years, I’ve colored the eggs that Baguette hunts for on Easter morning. This year, during a visit to Bestie’s house, Baguette colored them.

    two young girls dyeing Easter eggs at a table

    A good time was had by all.

    Photo by Bestie’s mom.

  • Women’s Marches

    The Women’s Marches are not for us–at least, not the big ones like L.A.’s. We decided that last year, and then Mr. Sandwich suggested we make a last minute-try, because he could see how much I wished I were there, standing next to my friends to support our beliefs. And it was literally last minute; we threw backpacks together, bundled Baguette into the car, and set out.

    We never made it. The Metro Red Line trains were too crowded; while the other riders waved us on, the crush clearly was too much for Baguette to manage. But I tried my best, and I got to cheer on and support other marchers. I feel like I got to be a part of it on some level.

    This year, we didn’t even try. I couldn’t imagine that we’d been any more successful than we had been last year, and the photos my friends are posting on Facebook confirm that, indeed, this event is not right for Baguette. Instead, we made an almost last-minute decision to take her to the snow, of which there has been precious little in area mountains this year.

    I decided to make a donation to an organization or two, and I figured that would be it.

    But then another friend posted that she had gone to the Redondo Beach march. And I realized that, as always, there are more options than the ones right in front of me. The L.A. march isn’t right for us. But maybe there are smaller events that would work better for Baguette.

    There’s a lot of 2018 left–but let’s see what 2019 brings.

    Blurry motion picture of full Metro Red Line car carrying 2017 Women's March participants to downtown L.A.
    Red Line in motion–Women’s March 2017

    Post inspired by Cloud of Wandering Scientist.

  • Nothing’s Ever Easy

    That’s my father’s saying. Mine is “It’s always something.”

    Baguette’s IEP includes bus transportation between home and school. Because she is now able to attend the after-school program (this is a whole story of its own), she only rides the bus to school in the mornings; Mr. Sandwich picks her up in the afternoons.

    At the beginning of the year, I called the Special Education department, which is where you’re supposed to call to let them know this.

    Her bus comes at about 7:15 each morning, except for when it doesn’t–usually because there is a substitute bus driver, or because there is some sort of maintenance issue. Usually (but not always) we get a robocall about the latter.

    Baguette, meanwhile, loves the riding the bus. She is ready ahead of time, can hear it 1/2 mile away (I am not exaggerating), and is almost frantic to get the front door to the house open when it pulls up.

    little girl boarding school bus

    Today, the bus did not arrive. We waited on the porch for almost 20 minutes. There was no robocall.

    So I called the Area Bus Supervisor, who was not there, and left a voicemail. Then I called Dispatch, which required a lot of time on hold before I spoke to a person, and many more short times on hold while that person talked to other people before finally let me know that Baguette was not on the route sheet.

    Which is weird, because she was on a route sheet YESTERDAY.

    Then I got Baguette into the car and called Special Education, who confirmed that their records showed that she was to be picked up in the morning and said that her “profile is active,” but that they did not see any routing information.

    And then I called the Area Bus Supervisor again, and actually got a person. She remembered talking to me earlier in the year (when I was trying to get Baguette’s pickup time changed because I refused to cut into her inadequate sleep even more by waking her up before 6:00 a.m.), confirmed a.m.-only pickup, and said that the only thing she could think of was that sometimes “when you make some changes, the system goes ahead and bumps kids off of routes when it’s not supposed to.”

    You know what? That’s not a system.

    But she did email the person in charge of routing and get them to reinstate Baguette’s transportation starting tomorrow, and she called me to let me know it was fixed.

    So that’s good. But to get it fixed, I had to make multiple phone calls to multiple offices for a total of 45 minutes, be late to work, and find breakfast out in the world (thanks, McDonalds!) because I hadn’t been able to eat at home the way I usually do.

    This is going to happen again, because this is how it “works.” Nothing’s ever easy, and it’s always something.