Naptime has always been a struggle. She naps well at daycare, but at home, it’s never been easy. We’ve tried to keep to the daycare schedule. We’ve taken her for drives. We’ve tried lying down with her. We’ve put her down and told her that she has to stay.
It turns out that may have been the worst choice. While that method did work for a short time–she would put up a fuss, but eventually go to sleep–it didn’t last. On the best days, she’d go to sleep, sometimes for the full two hours. On the good days, she’d talk to herself. On the bad days, she’d scream until we determined that she wasn’t going to nap that day, and wasn’t going to calm down.
Today, we made it 30 minutes. She was screaming, and then she started to gasp, and then she started to say something. We couldn’t make it out, but we went over to comfort her, and found her leaning up against the side of the bed saying, “I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry.”
Our little girl thought we were punishing her. All this time, she’s been thinking that we were angry with her, and she didn’t know what she’d done. She didn’t see it as naptime. She saw it as exile.
So that’s it. I talked to her about “quiet time,” but honestly, I think that’ll be easier after she learns to read. In the meantime, if she falls asleep, then she naps. And if she doesn’t, she stays up.
We’ll figure it out.
When we had to acknowledge that naptime was no more, we instituted quiet time, which is really TV time. (Anyone who wants to lecture me about screen time can come spend a day with two kids who get up at 6 a.m. and go full tilt until 8:30 p.m. and see how long they last before they turn on the TV!)
Anyway, the kids now look forward to “naptime” because they get to watch an hour or two of shows while my husband and I do whatever we want (for the most part).
Naptime properly ended when my older daughter was about 3. But to be honest, I’d been pushing her around in a stroller for her nap for at least a year before that. I missed having time to do what I wanted, but at least I got some exercise.
Good luck finding a routine that works for your family!
Thanks! We’ll get there, one way or another. It’s just that some of the days along the way are so heartbreaking.
Oh man, what a punch to the gut that must have felt like. Good luck getting through the hard days as you find the routine that works for you all. You’re such great parents that are listening so closely for her cues. Love you!
We’re still pretty devastated by it. I know we’ll come up with something, and that it will take time, but I don’t want her to feel like that in the process.
Ugh, that’s so sad. Great job recognizing that a change should be made – and good luck with finding something that works!
Thanks. I think we’re all going to be exhausted for a while.
Katie used to cry until she vomited when I put her in her crib awake. (And, even if she was asleep, she usually woke up as soon as I put her in bed.) My nanny can sometimes get the boys to nap, but I cannot . Sometimes the car works. Anything involving sleep and children is just a nightmare. Katie does sleep by herself now that she’s 12, so there is an end! She still doesn’t want to go to bed at a reasonable time, though. In one way or another, it is my understanding that once you are a parent, you will never sleep well again. And, those people who get their kids to take 2 naps 2 hrs each each day are giving those kids drugs. (What kind are they, and how can I get some? For me, as well as my kids.)
But some nights, mostly for me.
Oh my goodness, I totally get this. You know we’ve had similar issues with sleep, and I also somehow half-consciously came to the conclusion that Stella has associated sleep with punishment, and has done for some time. I think it was also after a tearful post-nonap “sorwy mummy.” This post kind of brings it into more clear focus for me.
Also, with the hindsight of two babies, I’m now fully convinced that kids sleep how they sleep. Hugo goes down for naps and betimes with no intervention from me. I put him in bed, and zonk, asleep within five minutes. One day at around 6 weeks he just did it. And has been doing so ever since. Also I can not for the life of me keep him awake past six pm, just as I can’t for the life of me get Stella to sleep. This makes me feel a little less like I failed the sleep portion of parenting 101, and wish that I had just accepted things a lot earlier. Annnnnyway, a long comment about my issues. Sorry about the heartbreak. I know you’re doing your best.
Aren’t we all? But it’s good to hear, because so many people say, “You should be doing X!” with great certainty. And I’m able to brush that off in a lot of areas, but because sleep is one of the ones we’re struggling with, I am continually asking myself where we went wrong–even though we made the best choices we could throughout, and probably nothing would have made any difference.
My kids are just starting to grow out of naps . . . but they absolutely hate the idea of naptime as it is. And going to bed. There’s too much of the world about — you don’t experience it in your sleep. There are times, I think, when they saw naptime as punishment – but those passed, mainly because, well, if I could, I’d nap with them. Now, I actually dread naps — they’re not always necessary to maintain sanity throughout the day . . . but, a good nap? Will ruin bedtime.
If napping with her helped, I’d do it–often I can use the nap as much as she can!