Tragic Sandwich

Shalini of Reading and Chickens wrote a post that I liked so much, I thought, “I want to steal this idea.” So I said, “Can I steal this?” And she said, “Yes.” So here goes.

1977. I wanted a newspaper route, but even the weekly local throw-away refused to hire anyone under the age of 10. So somehow I wound up with a doughnut route. You read that right. I was a door-to-door doughnut salesperson, taking orders for and delivering boxes of cake, glazed, and jelly-filled doughnuts. But doughnut delivery day and swim team practice were the same day, and the first made me too tired to do well at the second, so I quit.

1980-82. I babysat for several families in our neighborhood. Generally the children were only a year or two younger than I was, which meant that it was less babysitting and more keep-them-from-killing-each-other-and-get-them-out-if-the-house-catches-fire. Which may sound like a joke, but our next-door neighbors’ house burned to the ground when I was in sixth grade, so everyone was actually very aware of that. Note: The next-door neighbors never hired me as a sitter because some of their children were older than I was.

1984-1986. A newspaper route! Finally! Thankfully, it was an afternoon paper (See how old I am? I remember afternoon papers), so I didn’t have to wake up before dawn. Although I had to do that anyhow to catch my school bus, so maybe that didn’t matter so much. I also feel that my earlier desire for a route was vindicated, because I won a state-wide award for newspaper delivery. Yes, I did.

1987-1989. Checking IDs in my college dorm. I was a little tyrant, which was completely unnecessary. To this day, if I meet anyone who had any reason to even try to come into my dorm building during that time period, I apologize to them on principle. So far every person has said, “I’m sorry, I don’t remember you,” and I reply, “Really, that’s for the best.”

1992-1993. Nanny for the son of one of the professors I’d had in grad school. I lived in her house and provided post-daycare coverage in exchange for room and board. We all got along well (I’d been babysitting her son for a year before I moved in), she gave me incredible flexibility for my job search (see below), and it was a great experience. Plus her son was a bright and adorable toddler, so taking care of him was fun. Also it gave me a tiny bit of parental street cred long before Baguette.

1992-1993. Tour guide. I also led student tours at a nearby historic site. This is where I learned that you can walk 3rd graders past a half-naked statue and they don’t care at all, but 4th graders will just stand there and snicker endlessly.

1993. Marketing Assistant/Apprentice to Willy Loman. I spent two weeks filing faxes for a company that was transitioning from an award-winning ad agency to an import-export firm, which still doesn’t make sense to me. The first day I was there, the head of sales took me out to lunch. He kept talking about all the deals he’d made. I kept wondering when he was going to tell me that he wasn’t just liked, he was well-liked. They tried to underpay me by $2 an hour for the two weeks I was temp-to-permanent. I don’t remember if they offered me the job on a permanent basis, but it was so boring that I didn’t want it anyhow.

I have only pursued one of these fields, although I still love doughnuts. Maybe a little too much.